Q and A

Samuel from Charleston, SC asks...

Porno a no-no?

Dear Junebug: If no one is hurt by it, why is it wrong for me to view pornographic materials in the privacy of my home, especially if it arouses me and helps to add spice to my sex life with my wife?

Posted in Marriage on Sat, Jul 24th 2010

Sex. Your gift from God.

Dear Samuel:

First, Jesus makes it very clear that if a man looks upon a woman and lusts after her he has committed adultery, just by "looking and wishing". Porn, my dear, can be as addictive as heroine. And justifying it by saying, "if done in moderation and the privacy of my home to help stimulate a healthy sex life", is like using heroine to alleviate a headache. It doesn't work, plain and simple. Porn leads to needing more and more and usually ends up in an affair, or worse yet, affairs. That is far from enhancing your sex life with your wife, don't you think?

If you truly want "spice", indeed, try acting out your own sexual fantasies with your spouse. It may take a little getting used to, but I suspect she'd like some variety herself. Also, don't forget that foreplay starts prior to the actual act of sex. So treat her special like you did when you first met her, compliment the private, for your eyes only, parts of her body and get her in the mood.

I assure you, if you spend the time getting to know your wife's body like you have done with strangers on the computer, your gift from God, SEX, will be a grand slam!

Draw her away!

Junebug

Ruth from Bangor, Maine asks...

Heathen heaven bound?

Dear Junebug: If my teenager, who accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior, goes out driving drunk and in turn gets into a fatal accident and is killed, will she still go to heaven?

Posted in Marriage on Sat, Jul 24th 2010

Yes, Yes and Yes!

Dear Ruth:

Even though we are assured that once we are saved, nothing can take our salvation away, I have always struggled with that question myself. The one and only answer is this: Yes, Yes and Yes! If your child has accepted Jesus as Lord over her life and she makes the mistake of getting drunk, driving under the influence and gets into a fatal accident, she will unequivocally be with Jesus in Heaven. Let me add a little perspective here; what do you think would happen to me if I were sitting at a red-light, chatting on the cell phone with a friend, complaining about one friend to another, when suddenly someone's brakes fail causing that person to crash into the back of me going 60+ mph and boom, I'm gone, dead. Do I go to heaven or hell? I was being a troublemaker when I died, which is an abomination to Him according to Proverbs 6:19. But thanks be to God, yes I'm going to Heaven! I'm not saved by what I "do", good or bad, but by "who" I am in Christ! It's my "who" and not my "do" that saves me. Thank the Lord for that! Read Romans 8-35-39 and Ephesians 2:8-9.

Anna from Riverside, CA asks...

Sacrificial lamb

Dear Junebug: Is it ok to stop "sacrificing" our lives for our children (once they are of age of maturity)?

Posted in Marriage on Fri, Jul 23rd 2010

Let Him Go

Dear Anna:

When your child attains the age of 21, he should be closing in on graduating from college and/or working towards getting a responsible job. Now, I detect from your question that your child is probably of the age of "maturity" and should be independent, both financially and emotionally. If you are currently providing for most of his needs, then you may be enabling him, thereby actually assisting in his dependence on you.

In Luke 15:11-24, the prodigal son is described as taking his dad's inheritance and leaving home with it all. Note, that his father let him go, he didn't run after him, chase him from town to town, or text him everyday asking him if he had found a job. No, what the father did was "LET HIM GO", pray for him and accept him back with open arms when (the key word is when) the son came with a grateful and remorseful heart; a heart that was set on righting his wrong and working toward a responsible future. The boy left with a selfish, prideful attitude and returned broken and humbled. All because his father didn't chase him and clean up his mistakes. Instead, he allowed his son to make costly errors, for in doing so, his son grew up to be the man his father so desired.

All this said, Anna, stop "sacrificing" for the prodigal son, let him go to enable him to learn on his own without your help, and wait for him to come home in the right frame of mind. Then, you can grill the choicest steaks, open the finest wine and pick the most fragrant flowers for such a celebration!

Mary Katherine from Pensacola, FL asks...

Sticks and stones...

Dear Junebug: I am a 16 year old high school sophomore, and am receiving a great deal of criticism from the girls in my school. I am getting a lot of attention from the junior and senior guys, so I guess these girls hate me for it. The girls lie about me and post mean, rude remarks on Facebook for everyone at school to see. I don't know where to turn? Please help me.

Posted in Marriage on Fri, Jul 23rd 2010

Remarks Don't Define You

Dear Mary Katherine:

I am sorry to read about your situation. But, unfortunately, I am not surprised, as gossip/slander/bullying has become prevalent in our schools across America. You do, however, have options depending on the severity of the verbal abuse and situation.

First, you should try to talk to a parent or a school administrator; someone you believe you can trust with this information and who will be alert to the unacceptable behavior without compromising you and your reputation. Given this knowledge, hopefully the gossip will be heard by appropriate school officials and punishment will be rendered.

Another option to help alleviate further gossip is to delete your Facebook page temporarily until this dies down. As the old saying goes, "lay low"for a little while. Try to disappear just for a bit until this situation subsides. Ignore them and their remarks, unless however, the remarks are damaging to your reputation; then the truth has to be stated. Do not ever compromise "truth".

Sometimes going" judo" can be helpful too; meaning go with what they are saying or agree with it. For example, if they state, "Gosh your hair is so frizzy!", then you may want to reply with, "I know, it looks like I've stuck my entire hand in a light socket!" Smile a big smile and walk away. This shows them that their unfriendly remarks are not bothering you. Many times this will stop them.

As a last resort, if you have been physically harmed by them or even threatened, then you need to seriously consider leaving the school. There are other modes of education and sometimes these situations can get out of control. Talk to your parents or some other trusted adult if it's gotten this bad.

Remember, dear, don't let their jealous remarks define who you are. I have found that over the many years of my life, jealous people often hurl insults in order to bring you down to their level. Don't allow one negative word to attach itself to you. I'm sure that you are a very special gal especially since you are having to endure the painful words coming your way. Sadly, talented people get attacked frequently because of jealous peers.

A Scripture comes to mind for you, "...Be wise as serpents, yet harmless as doves" (Matt 10:16). Be kind; but know your enemy, and make wise choices.

From a fellow survivor of slanderous remarks,

Junebug

Lynn from Orlando, FL asks...

Sadness with Christ in my heart....

Dear Junebug: How do you handle the conflict within a person who is suffering from severe depression and considers themselves a Christian?

Posted in Love on Fri, Jul 23rd 2010

Battling for peace of mind

Dear Lynn:

Do not ever beat yourself up because you have a "problem" as a Christian. We all do! That's why we need HIM! The only criteria I possess for the Askjunebug column is that I've had many issues and personal problems through which our dear Father has guided me. I strive to use the knowledge and wisdom He has given me and pour it out into the lives of others. He will do the same for you, Lynn.

Four suggestions:

1) Try the homeopathic route. Go to a vitamin/health food store and purchase whatever an experienced nutritionist suggests. I understand that B vitamins, for instance, can help with anxiety and mood fluctuations. But make sure you get expert advice.

2) Read God's Word like it's a prescription. Research gospelcom.net Scriptures on a sound mind/happiness/joy/peace/hope, trusting God, and forgiveness. Read thirty to fifty of these Scriptures several times a day. Read them as if they were medicine.

3) Renounce the spirit of depression, for as Paul stated, "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers, rulers of the darkness, and spiritual hosts of wickedness in heavenly places." So, whatever you believe is controlling your mind, stealing your happiness, and robbing you of a blessed life, that is what you reject, renounce and forsake in the name of Jesus. Now, ask the Holy Spirit to fill you up with His power, which will enable you to fight and withstand the attacks of Satan, our enemy. Speak out loud that you have the mind of Christ. Claim it, and by faith, believe it.

4) Seek medical help if you feel that is the direction God is leading you.

Battling for peace of mind is an ongoing process and must be fought daily with the Sword of the Spirit, which is God's Word. Tenaciously follow the above suggestions, and do not give up! God bless you, dear child of His.

Junebug

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